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Dysfunctional Families and the Shame Cycle: Healthy Families

Individual Therapy : How to Deal With Rude People

THE POND

ENJOYING THE FISH IN THE POND. I HAVE BEEN IMPRESSED WITH THEM AND I HAVE FOUND THAT WATCHING THEM HAS A CALMING EFFECT.

HEAVENLY FATHER, YOU SEE MY FOCUS,YOU SEE MY MIND AND MY MOUTH. PLEASE HELP ME NOT TO NURSE MY HURTS AND GRUDGES, KEEPING RECORDS OF WRONGS, AND I DON'T WANT TO HARBOR CRITICISMS AGAINST OTHERS. SET ME FREE FROM BAD HABITS AND DESTRUCTIVE WAYS. HELP ME TO RESOLVE STUFF AS IT COMES.

THE TRUTH APPLIED TO OUR LIVES HAS POWER TO TRANSFORM US AND INFLUENCE THOSE AROUND US. LEARNING NEW TOOLS, NEW THINGS FOR A BETTER LIFE, TAKES ALLOT OF WORK.

LET THE WORDS OF MY MOUTH AND THE MEDITATION OF MY HEART BE ACCEPTABLE TO YOU, O LORD, MY ROCK AND MY REDEEMER. PSALM 19:14

Patched Together, by Brennan Manning

ATTRIBUTES OF CODEPENDENCE

CHARACTERISTICS OF CODEPENDENCE. I KNOW THAT I CANNOT FIX PEOPLE OR CHANGE PEOPLE, PEOPLE HAVE TO WANT TO GET HELP, THEY HAVE TO WANT CHANGE.
SO THE BEST THING I CAN FOR MYSELF IS WORK ON MYSELF.

HERE IS SOME "ATTRIBUTES OF CODEPENDENCE."

1. BELIEVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH A SIGNIFICANT OTHER WILL FILL THE ULTIMATE NEED FOR LOVE.

2. DEPENDING ON RELATIONSHIP WITH EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE PEOPLE TO MEET OWN NEEDS.

3. BOUND IN RELATIONSHIPS BY PERFORMANCE (WHAT I DO) RATHER THAN

CORE VALUE AND WORTH (WHO I AM).

4. OBSESSION WITH OTHER PEOPLE'S PROBLEMS AND NEEDS.

5. OVERLY CARING FOR OTHER PEOPLE TO THE NEGLECT OF SELF NEEDS. FEELING VICTIMIZED AND USED AS A RESULT.

6. INABILITY TO SAY "NO."

7.TOLERATING MISTREATMENT OR ABUSE FROM PEOPLE, WHILE JUSTIFYING THEIR BEHAVIOR AND TRYING TO DEFEND THEM.

8. AVOIDING CONFLICT WITH OTHER PEOPLE TO THE POINT OF BEING UNABLE TO SPEAK TRUE FEELINGS OR ASK FOR VALID NEEDS, OFTENTIMES COUNTERED BY FITS OF ANGER OR RAGE (PASSIVE-AGGRESSION).

9. COVERING UP FOR IRRESPONSIBLE PEOPLE IN LIFE BY LYING OR "FILLING

IN THE GAPS" TO "HELP" THEM.

10.DOING FOR OTHERS WHAT THEY SHOULD BE DOING FOR THEMSELVES.

11. ATTEMPTING TO PROTECT A PERSON FROM EMOTIONAL PAIN OR CONSEQUENCES OF UNHEALTHY BEHAVIORS, SUCH AS USING DRUGS AND ALCOHOL. UN WARE THAT DOING SO CREATES ENABLEMENT OF THE PROBLEMS RATHER THAN SOLUTION.

12. DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY ATTEMPT TO FIX, MANAGE OR CONTROL ANOTHER PERSON'S PROBLEMS, EVEN IF MEANT IN A LOVING WAY.

13. TRYING TO PLEASE PEOPLE IN LIFE BY GOING OUT OF THE WAY TO BE HELPFUL, THOUGHTFUL OR CARING, AND THEN BECOMING ANGRY OR DISCOURAGED IF THE DESIRED RESPONSE DOES NOT HELP (MOTIVES WERE TO GET THE PEOPLE TO RESPOND, RATHER THAN TO TRY TO BLESS THEM).

14. MIGRATING TOWARDS PEOPLE THAT NEED HELP, YET HAVING A DIFFICULT TIME RECEIVING HELP FROM OTHERS.

15. BEING WILLING TO COMPROMISE PERSONAL BELIEF SYSTEMS OR MORALS TO PLEASE OTHER PERSON OR TO HAVE EMOTIONAL NEEDS MET.

16. WORRYING ABOUT OTHERS PEOPLE'S FEELINGS SO MUCH THAT IT HAS A DIRECT AFFECT ON "OWN FEELINGS" BEING BOUND TO ANOTHER PERSON'S EMOTIONS (HAPPY WHEN THEY ARE HAPPY, UNSET WHEN THEY ARE UPSET).

17. LOSING OWN INTEREST AND IDENTITY IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS BELIEVING THAT THE PEOPLE IN LIFE ARE A DIRECT REFLECTION OF SELF.

18. FEAR BEING ALONE OR ISOLATING OUT OF FEAR OF CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS.

IF ONE CAN RECOGNIZE THIS CYCLE AT ANY LEVEL, IT'S IMPORTANT THAT WE TRULY UNDERSTAND HOW AND WHY WE MAY PARTICIPATE. THROUGH OUR OWN RECOVERY PROCESS, WE CAN ALTER THE HARMFUL WAYS WE HAVE ENGAGED IN THIS BEHAVIOR. BREAKING THE CYCLE IS NOT ALWAYS COMES EASY. IF ONE PERSON DOES GET HEALTHY, THE OTHER PARTY MAY RESENT IT. THE TRUTH IS WHEN THE CYCLE IS DISRUPTED, THE RELATIONSHIP GAINS A MUCH BETTER CHANCE OF EVENTUALLY BECOMING HEALTHY. IT MAY ALLOW BOTH PARTIES TO FIND "RECOVERY" IN A TIME

HEALING CAN OCCUR. "REMEMBER THAT TRUE CHANGE OCCURS AT A HEART LEVEL."

MY DAILY PRAYERS

HARM MAY TRY TO COME KNOCKING AT MY DOOR, BUT I WILL NOT BE DESTROYED BY IT, BECAUSE YOU KEEP ME SAFE. DARKNESS MAY FALL ON MY CIRCUMSTANCES, BUT I WILL NOT BE LOST IN IT BECAUSE YOU WILL NOT FORSAKE ME. THINGS MAY SEEK ME OUT, BUT I WILL NO BE SWALLOWED UP BY IT, BECAUSE YOU COME TO MY AID. LOVING FATHER, YOU WILL KEEP ME SAFE.

I BELIEVE GOD IS IN THE MIST OF WHATEVER HAPPENS IN MY LIFE. WHAT CAN MY SUFFERING IN THIS LIFE MEANS? IT ONLY MEANS THAT I AM NOT HOME YET, AND I CAN LEARN FROM IT. LIFE IS SOMETIMES A PAINFUL BUT TEMPORAL JOURNEY.

PS 37:28 FOR THE LORD LOVES JUSTICE; HE WILL NOT FORSAKE HIS FAITHFUL ONES. THE RIGHTEOUS SHALL BE KEPT SAFE FOREVER.

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY 2011

GOD BLESS THE USA. A THANK YOU FOR THOSE MEN @ WOMEN WHO FIGHT FOR OUR FREEDOM. "THANK YOU."

INTERESTING PICTURES, THOUGHT I WOULD SHARE THEM. A TRUCK WITH A FLAG ON THE HOOD. A PAINTED TOE, WITH THE USA FLAG.

I LOVE MY COUNTRY, WAR ISN'T PRETTY, BUT WE HAVE TO FIGHT FOR LIBERTY, AGAINST TYRANT'S. OUR FREEDOM.

I'M PROUD TO BE AN "AMERICAN."

"GOD BLESS AMERICA"

HAVE A GREAT 4TH OF JULY.

Happy 4th of July!