CHARACTERISTICS OF CODEPENDENCE. I KNOW THAT I CANNOT FIX PEOPLE OR CHANGE PEOPLE, PEOPLE HAVE TO WANT TO GET HELP, THEY HAVE TO WANT CHANGE.SO THE BEST THING I CAN FOR MYSELF IS WORK ON MYSELF.
HERE IS SOME "ATTRIBUTES OF CODEPENDENCE."
1. BELIEVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH A SIGNIFICANT OTHER WILL FILL THE ULTIMATE NEED FOR LOVE.
2. DEPENDING ON RELATIONSHIP WITH EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE PEOPLE TO MEET OWN NEEDS.
3. BOUND IN RELATIONSHIPS BY PERFORMANCE (WHAT I DO) RATHER THAN
CORE VALUE AND WORTH (WHO I AM).
4. OBSESSION WITH OTHER PEOPLE'S PROBLEMS AND NEEDS.
5. OVERLY CARING FOR OTHER PEOPLE TO THE NEGLECT OF SELF NEEDS. FEELING VICTIMIZED AND USED AS A RESULT.
6. INABILITY TO SAY "NO."
7.TOLERATING MISTREATMENT OR ABUSE FROM PEOPLE, WHILE JUSTIFYING THEIR BEHAVIOR AND TRYING TO DEFEND THEM.
8. AVOIDING CONFLICT WITH OTHER PEOPLE TO THE POINT OF BEING UNABLE TO SPEAK TRUE FEELINGS OR ASK FOR VALID NEEDS, OFTENTIMES COUNTERED BY FITS OF ANGER OR RAGE (PASSIVE-AGGRESSION).
9. COVERING UP FOR IRRESPONSIBLE PEOPLE IN LIFE BY LYING OR "FILLING
IN THE GAPS" TO "HELP" THEM.
10.DOING FOR OTHERS WHAT THEY SHOULD BE DOING FOR THEMSELVES.
11. ATTEMPTING TO PROTECT A PERSON FROM EMOTIONAL PAIN OR CONSEQUENCES OF UNHEALTHY BEHAVIORS, SUCH AS USING DRUGS AND ALCOHOL. UN WARE THAT DOING SO CREATES ENABLEMENT OF THE PROBLEMS RATHER THAN SOLUTION.
12. DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY ATTEMPT TO FIX, MANAGE OR CONTROL ANOTHER PERSON'S PROBLEMS, EVEN IF MEANT IN A LOVING WAY.
13. TRYING TO PLEASE PEOPLE IN LIFE BY GOING OUT OF THE WAY TO BE HELPFUL, THOUGHTFUL OR CARING, AND THEN BECOMING ANGRY OR DISCOURAGED IF THE DESIRED RESPONSE DOES NOT HELP (MOTIVES WERE TO GET THE PEOPLE TO RESPOND, RATHER THAN TO TRY TO BLESS THEM).
14. MIGRATING TOWARDS PEOPLE THAT NEED HELP, YET HAVING A DIFFICULT TIME RECEIVING HELP FROM OTHERS.
15. BEING WILLING TO COMPROMISE PERSONAL BELIEF SYSTEMS OR MORALS TO PLEASE OTHER PERSON OR TO HAVE EMOTIONAL NEEDS MET.
16. WORRYING ABOUT OTHERS PEOPLE'S FEELINGS SO MUCH THAT IT HAS A DIRECT AFFECT ON "OWN FEELINGS" BEING BOUND TO ANOTHER PERSON'S EMOTIONS (HAPPY WHEN THEY ARE HAPPY, UNSET WHEN THEY ARE UPSET).
17. LOSING OWN INTEREST AND IDENTITY IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS BELIEVING THAT THE PEOPLE IN LIFE ARE A DIRECT REFLECTION OF SELF.
18. FEAR BEING ALONE OR ISOLATING OUT OF FEAR OF CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS.
IF ONE CAN RECOGNIZE THIS CYCLE AT ANY LEVEL, IT'S IMPORTANT THAT WE TRULY UNDERSTAND HOW AND WHY WE MAY PARTICIPATE. THROUGH OUR OWN RECOVERY PROCESS, WE CAN ALTER THE HARMFUL WAYS WE HAVE ENGAGED IN THIS BEHAVIOR. BREAKING THE CYCLE IS NOT ALWAYS COMES EASY. IF ONE PERSON DOES GET HEALTHY, THE OTHER PARTY MAY RESENT IT. THE TRUTH IS WHEN THE CYCLE IS DISRUPTED, THE RELATIONSHIP GAINS A MUCH BETTER CHANCE OF EVENTUALLY BECOMING HEALTHY. IT MAY ALLOW BOTH PARTIES TO FIND "RECOVERY" IN A TIME
HEALING CAN OCCUR. "REMEMBER THAT TRUE CHANGE OCCURS AT A HEART LEVEL."
